Yes, it's going to be alright

I hadn't heard the sump pump kick on after days of rain and I was starting to wonder if it was dead. I visited with a dear friend who knows about stuff like this and he told me how to troubleshoot the situation. After I had Googled "sump pump won't start," I felt a little less intimidated about it all.

But last night, I needed to actually get down there and check on it. When I got down to the basement, I saw water pouring in through the basement window from the torrential downpour we were having. I did all the right things - the wet/dry vac, moved things out of the way, made sure the dehumidifier was on full steam, opened the lid on the sump. I was handling the situation. I Was On It.

But I had this naggling feeling that I wasn't. I had this sense of indictment.

"This is all your fault. If you had just cleaned out those gutters like you knew you were supposed to do, this wouldn't be happening. What do you spend all your time doing anyway? This is going to end up costing you

 a lot of money and you could have prevented it. Way. To. Go."

Arrgh. Truth is, the whole situation could have been much worse. It was really pretty well contained and I was taking care of it. It did require a troubleshooting phone call to my personal MacGuyver who talked me down off the ledge and in a very clear and matter of fact way walked me through the steps of dealing with the sump, which did pump after all. He reassured me that everything was going to be okay and giving me that  reassurance was just as important as the "how-to."

But that crazy voice in my head. Not long ago, that voice played in my head a lot. I'll bet you have that same tape, too. It's a best-seller, unfortunately. We can knock ourselves down so easily and so well that we often don't even realize that we are doing it. I haven't heard that indicting voice for a long time, so when I do it is startling, self-abusive, and scary.

Take a moment to listen to the tapes in your head. Do they build you up more than they tear you down? Would you talk to someone you love like that? Of course not. So why do we talk that way to ourselves?

Habits, voices from our past, unrealistic expectations of ourselves, and more contribute to this self-deprecating soundtrack in our minds. And what's worse, we believe it! What does this negative self-talk actually do for us anyway? It tells us that we can't do it right, we are to blame, we are not enough as we are, blah, blah, blah.

That serves no one. Not ourselves and certainly not the people who love us. The next time you hear that tape in your head, know that without a doubt, you have the power to stop it. Take a breath and tell yourself that you are doing it right, there is no blame to be assigned, and that yes, you are most certainly enough.

The basement is still slightly damp, but it's going to be fine. I know now how to check out the sump pump and what to do if its not working properly. I know that if I don't clean out the gutter when the sun is shining, I may be cleaning it out in the pouring rain. And most importantly, I know that I am strong and yet willing to admit I need reassurance once in a while that everything is going to be okay.