Always happy and forever 15

When I became a parent, the world changed completely in an instant. Everyone said, "Life will change after your baby is born." There's really no way to imagine just how utterly different it would be until you get there and you realize that this little person is your responsibility. When I talk with new parents and mention that to them, their faces express that astonishment they also experienced.

When I was not a parent, I felt the standard and acceptable degree of empathy and understanding for issues facing children. Safe homes, hunger, quality of education, the environment... but at the end of the day, they didn't seem to connect to me as strongly as they did with people who were parents. I remember thinking how "out there" those advocates seemed to be. That is, until I  became a parent.

I've relived some of those joys and pain this week. In a lighthearted way, my son and I watched "The Cosby Show," when Saundra and Elvin had their twins. And even though it was a TV sitcom portrayal of childbirth, it was still touching to me to hear those words again, "It's a boy! You have a son!" My son noticed that I got a little choked up in a silly kind of way over a TV show, but the flash of memory was there and I was transported back to the moment when he and I met for the first time.

Today, there's a lot of grieving in our small town. A boy in John's class lost his life yesterday. The first member of their class to leave, and far too soon. His name is also John. Always happy, is how my John described him. And now he'll always be happy and always be 15.

There are no words, just prayers for comfort, strength, and healing for John's parents and for all who will miss him. And in the same way we remember the moment our child is born, we put ourselves in this unthinkable situation and wonder how we would get through it if it were our child. Truly, in a small town, all children are "ours" and we feel the loss of a young man from our community.

Today's icy rain will make us stay in and stay home. The gray seems fitting in a way that blazing sunshine and blue sky would not today.

For all the hearts broken open today for any reason, here and everywhere, may they be filled with love.