"As if love weren't already complicated"

I truly believe that Americans found a couple of holidays to get them through the trudge to spring that is February such as Groundhog Day and President's Day. Loads of fun in New Orleans comes to a screeching halt when it turns midnight on Ash Wednesday.

And then there's Valentine's Day.

From the kindergartner who's told, "Yes, you must give a valentine to all the kids in your class. Even the ones who tick you off," to the married man who has been buying the same box of chocolates and fistful of flowers for the past 30 years, this is a tricky holiday.

Apparently, there is a counter-holiday known as Singles Appreciation Day. Or S.A.D. for short. Yikes. It is true that Valentine's Day is on par with New Year's Eve as date night. For singles with the full import of the American marketing machine working against them, it's easy to just want to skip from the 13th to the 15th of the month. I dare say that anyone in a relationship can also have that terrifying moment of trying to figure out the "right" expression of love.

Here's an interesting idea. "Be Your Own Beloved". I think that this notion is pretty sound. We've been told over and over that we do have to love and respect ourselves if we expect others to do the same. For those of us raised in midwestern communities with phone books that look like excerpt from a Lake Woebegon novel, it is an uncomfortable task. We were not raised to look haughty or full of ourselves. It is a fine line between self-esteem and cocky. Or so we're told.

I'm just talking about treating ourselves the way we want a special friend to treat us. It means turning off that horrible tape in our heads that tells us we aren't (insert here: good, pretty, smart, thin...) enough. It means respecting, loving, and caring for ourselves.

What about scheduling regular massage? A night out with friends? Tickets to a ball game or a special event? Be in love with yourself. Spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, heck even pets, will leave us at some point. We are the only companion who will truly be with us for our entire lives. Take a little time to love and appreciate who you are. Be your own best friend, your own beloved.

So, go buy yourself some flowers, a nice box of chocolates, maybe a bottle of wine. Even if you have another who is your beloved. Loving yourself is the best gift you can give to those you love.

Love is complicated. Make it simple. Love yourself first.