Remembering

Today's view from the porch is a sky that looks like a gray wool blanket. No snow in those clouds here, but plenty of rain. Two words that do not go well together in Iowa are 'December' and 'rain.' It is a day to be grateful for a warm house and a pantry stocked for holiday baking.
A hot cup of coffee, Windham Hill's "Celtic Christmas," and a stack of recipe cards are presenting a day in touch with dear memories. Grandma Pearl's old aluminum measuring spoons, cookie press, and cutters at the ready. Recipes from Eugenia Johnson - my children's paternal great-grandmother who immigrated to the US from Sweden in the 1920's. Marian Sellergren's spritz recipe. Grandma's sugar cookie cutouts, with a hint of nutmeg... The house will smell wonderful very soon.
This week has been a bit of a challenge. Emily is recovering well from her long illness and is much improved over last week at this time and I am relieved that she is back on track. Last night, we played "Let's Dance" on the wii and Emily was dancing away, hair flying, arms in the air... She's a dancer that girl. It doesn't matter the music, if it moves her spirit, it will move her body. It was wonderful to watch her so uninhibited and with the energy to dance. It's been weeks since she's had the energy to get out of bed, let alone dance. It made me very happy to dance with her and to soak in her excitement.
This week, friends and acquaintances have struggled with death and loss. For some it has just happened, others are having their first birthdays or holidays without a parent. Broken hearts, whether recent or many years ago, seem to be laid wide open in December. A time filled with remembering, with doing things the way they have been done for years. The familiar music, ornaments for the tree, and simple things like cookie recipes put us in touch with those memories and the flood of emotions they bring.
December can be a melancholy time for many of us. We may find ourselves swinging between the joy of the season and reflective of Decembers gone by. In the midst of it all, recognize that it is not only normal to experience sadness and loss right now, it really is best to feel those emotions and not fight them. Honor them. Open up to feel it all, both sorrow and delight. For without allowing yourself to feel the sadness, you really will not feel the full impact of joy.
Time to warm up the oven, the house, and my heart with the simple acts of making bread and cookies. After the bites, licks, and tastes, I'll be ready to dance with my daughter again.