Either/Or Neither/Nor

Have you ever noticed when you held two opposite emotions at the same time?

If you are a parent, perhaps you felt an overwhelming sense of joy at the same time you realized that this tiny little person would rely on you as their parent for the rest of your life. Fear and elation...

If you have ever chosen to commit yourself to another person, you know that feeling of love and terror...

If you have ever had a pet that you simply adored, but knew that you would outlive that pet and someday it would die...

If you have started teaching your child life lessons such as doing laundry, cooking, completing a deposit slip, driving a car, you are helping them to eventually leave you to make their own mark in the world, taking your heart with them.

The view from the porch today is the middle. As I say, I am a middle aged mom, living in the middle of my block, in the middle of Iowa, which is in the middle of the country. Today's view is both sides, all sides... and what a gift. Being in the middle allows for appreciation of what has happened, the ability to do a little course correction, and to look to the future with hopeful expectation and the second half of childhood.

Last summer, I was in the middle of a separation from my husband. Our summer both flew by and dragged on... This summer, we're in the middle of divorce and the kids and I are making this summer one to remember. Emily and I will go down the blue slide at the pool at least once a week together. We will enjoy fireflies. We pick strawberries from our garden and made JAM for the first time. We will travel to exotic places like the Black Hills and Detroit Lakes, MN. We will celebrate our country with 100,000 other people on the west lawn of the Iowa capitol. We will worship together. We will see "The 39 Steps" in Lincoln, Nebraska with Uncle Rob. The kids will attend a family reunion. I will spend time through the summer with dear friends I do not see nearly enough. We will really live and experience our summer.

The view from the porch this week is as rich and lush as the exploding fields of corn, the deep blue of a baby's eyes, the wide smile of a friend, the warm embrace of love. All the while holding the feelings that remind me I cannot stop time and keep my children at this moment, that they continue to grow as independent (very) individuals. I can pause, and appreciate, and therefore be present to experience it all. I would not trade a single moment.