The Road Not Taken

"Turning 40 was a peak: I could look forward and I could look back, and I had to start thinking about the things I wanted to do."

Thanks to the insightful person who wrote that. I wish I knew.

Standing in the "middle years" of one's life affords us a long view of where we've been, decisions made, adventures taken, accomplishments that fulfill dreams. It's a time to re-evaluate, to determine "what's next." When we get to this place in our lives, our experience teaches us that some opportunities only come by once. Bonnie Raitt said it well, "life gets mighty precious when there's less of it to waste."

As a younger adult, the world lay before me and all I had was time. The choices I made didn't seem as consequential as they do today. We spend time as youth figuring how who we are and what we want to do with our lives and who we will share it with.

I've been challenged to write about pretty ponies on rainbows - chasing unicorns and life being all sunshine and lollipops. However, I like the image of the ruby slippers and how Dorothy spends 90-minutes on a journey through Oz desperately looking for a way home, a place she really didn't want to be until she couldn't figure out how to get back there. It isn't until the very end of her journey that she is told that she always had the power to go home, to control her own destiny. How often we wish things were different in our lives, our careers, our relationships and come to the realization that we always had the power to make the changes. Life can have more sunshine and ponies on rainbows if we make it so by clicking our heels together and believing it to be true.

October continues to be a melancholy time, a time for reflection and looking ahead, revisiting those moments that have been mountaintop experiences. I've come to a place where I realize that some of my dreams aren't going to come true and that's okay. It's now about finding new dreams for what comes next and I realize there are more options for me today than there were before. I'm learning from life-changing missed opportunities and finding my voice to share myself more, to feel more empowered and confident about what the future holds for me. Those feelings of sadness and regret will still be there and I'll nurse those carefully for now. There's much more yet to do and I'm eager to collect those opportunities that are beginning to rise for me. Its a wild ride and I am excited about what lies ahead.

And When October Goes

I love October - it is my favorite month and always has been. The colors, the early evenings, the turning of the leaves... it's wonderful. I find I am rather sentimental about October. It evokes a time of reflection as the calendar year winds down and another school year begins.

There were a few times I walked back to my apartment on Lincoln Avenue from the music building in Iowa City around sunset in the fall. I purposely walked through the residential neighborhood not only because it was shorter in distance, but fed my desire for "home" and the warm glow of windows at dusk. I sang a song to myself as I walked, this lovely song that Barry Manilow put music to and Johnny Mercer wrote the lyrics for. It fits the melancholy mood of October so very well. And, it seems very appropriate today.

"When October Goes"
And when October goes
the snow begins to fly
above the smoky roofs
I watch the planes go by.
The children running home
beneath a twilight sky.
Oh, for the fun of them
when I was one of them.
And when October goes
the same old dream appears
and you are in my arms
to share the happy years
I turn my head away to hide
the helpless tears
Oh how I hate to see October go
I should be over it now, I know
It doesn't matter much
how old I grow
I hate to see October go.